Get to know our members: Martha

Martha, can you tell us a little bit about yourself?

[Martha] I’m 31. I live in Derry with my mummy, and I come to Destined Monday to Thursday.

You live quite close to Destined, don’t you?

[Martha] Yes, it’s not too far. It takes about 20 or 30 minutes to walk there every day.

[Charlene] That’s why Martha is so fit. When the weather’s decent, you can be sure Martha will be out walking to and from Destined, and around town. If the weather isn’t great, our other member Richard gives her a lift.

What do you enjoy most about coming to Destined?

[Martha] I really enjoy it all. I love meeting up with my friends, and the staff here are really nice.

I love arts and crafts, and cooking on a Wednesday. My favourite seasonal event is helping out at Santa’s Grotto at Christmas. I love doing that.

[Charlene] Martha is one of our trained tour guides. She completed her training and is an essential part of the team of volunteers who run the Foyle Valley Railway Museum.

I have to say, Martha is probably one of the most popular people when it comes to our seasonal events because she has such a bubbly personality. A lot of those events attract families and children, and Martha has a brilliant personality for that.

People have got so used to seeing her now that every time we have an Easter, Halloween or Christmas event, people come in looking out for Martha.

Do you enjoy being part of these events at Destined?

[Martha] I really do. It is tiring sometimes, but it’s worth it.

Before you joined Destined, how did you feel about having a disability?

[Martha] Whenever I was at school, I used to be embarrassed by having a disability.

When people asked me what school I went to, I would always lie and say, “I go to St Mary’s,” or “I go to Thornhill.” But ever since I’ve been at Destined and people ask me what I am up to, I say, “I go to Destined, and it’s amazing.”

I get loads of support here. I have great friends, and the staff are all amazing. I’m not worried about people judging me anymore. I don’t care. I’m just happy to be myself.

Was worrying about what other people thought a big part of your childhood?

[Martha] Yes. When I was younger, I used to think something was wrong with me. My mummy used to treat my brother and me a bit differently, but I didn’t really understand why until she talked to me about my disability.

How has Destined changed things for you?

[Martha] It has changed everything. I can open up and tell people how I’m feeling and what I’m doing. It’s great to have friends here that I can be honest with.

I don’t have to hide my disability. I don’t have to pretend. I’m different to everybody else, but I don’t care as much now.

Some people used to say to me, “What’s so special about you?” They didn’t understand my disability, and it used to upset me. But now I’m happy, and I don’t worry about any of that anymore.

What would you like people to understand about having a disability, based on what you experienced when you were younger?

[Martha] A lot of people treated me differently. They would tease me because I had a disability.

Because I went to a special school, people would say things like, “What’s so special about you? You don’t look like there’s anything wrong with you.” But some people don’t understand that you can’t always see a disability.

[Charlene] People don’t always recognise hidden disabilities. There is still ignorance around that, where people look at someone and make assumptions. At Destined, we do a lot of work to try to change that because it can be really damaging for the individual.

If you didn’t have Destined, what do you think you would be doing?

[Martha] I would probably be shopping, or bored in my house with nothing to do.

Speaking of shopping, I’ve heard that’s a big hobby of yours.

[Martha] OK, I’m going to spill the beans, I am a shopaholic! I love shopping so much, especially for clothes.

[Charlene] I bumped into someone recently who works in a shoe shop in the local shopping centre, and she said she had seen Martha shopping. I think because Martha lives so locally, she can just drop into the shops on her way home.

What else do you enjoy outside Destined?

[Martha] I’m going on a Mediterranean cruise in August with my mummy and auntie. It will be my second cruise. I can’t wait.

You’ve been coming to Destined for around 10 years now. Do you remember the first time you came?

[Martha] It was good, but it was a bit nerve-wracking. I met Terry from Destined at the Tech, and he told me about how it could help.

[Charlene] Martha had done the transition course at North West Regional College. It’s a two-year course people can do after they leave school.

Destined regularly attends those information sessions, along with other service providers, so students can see what opportunities are available after they complete the course. That’s how Martha ended up joining us here.

We do have quite a few people who left school and didn’t do the transition course, or didn’t go on to anything else, and ended up sitting at home, some for quite long periods of time. Then they heard about Destined through other sources.

So that transition from school or college into something like Destined is really important.

[Charlene] It is. What we normally do is make it a gradual process. Rather than someone finishing the transition course and starting at Destined the following week, we put a programme of support in place. They are introduced to Destined gradually and have time to build up their confidence and self-esteem.

Martha has actually gone back to her old school with Destined and spoken to students about options for the future. She talks to them about her experience and about Destined. It’s lovely to see former pupils going back to their old school and telling their story.

That must be powerful for young people who may be feeling the same way Martha did.

[Charlene] Martha is a shining example of somebody who has grown so much in confidence and self-esteem since coming here.

It has been lovely to see. We are lucky at Destined because we get to witness that journey. People come here in their early twenties, and you see them get older, change, grow in confidence, and build the life they want.

What would you say to someone who feels nervous about coming to Destined?

[Martha] I’d say come and try it. You can make friends, get support, and just be yourself.

[Charlene] Martha has changed so much over the last 10 years. Some of the things she shared today, even I wasn’t aware of, like feeling she had to lie about the school she went to because of how people would react.

That is really interesting for me to hear, and it shows just how far she has come. It’s a shame she ever had to feel that way, but it’s lovely that somewhere like Destined has helped her think differently and feel proud of who she is.

Finally, Martha, is there anything else about yourself you would like to share?

[Martha] Well, I actually have a famous cousin.

It’s Nadine Coyle from Girls Aloud. I got to see her in concert once in Belfast, which was great.